The Smokies – Wordsmoker Meetup Hangover Edition

How the cheese curds treating you now?  The eggs benedict staying down?  Is anyone feeling shame for asking for Jim Beam or Jack Daniels, when there most assuredly was much, much better choices?

I will keep this brief, for brevity is the soul of wit, and so you all can actually get through it in between tag team toilet rendezvouses.  And yes, ‘rendezvouses’ is correct.  I looked it up.  On with the show.

Sproing on Final Sentences:

“Are you bi?” the banner ad queried, and he felt a stirring at the root of himself, something soft yet tensile turning over to consider itself, like the beginnings of the great “I am” that ejaculated the universe into being, or maybe it was just his damn prostate again.

(The grandeur, the simplicity, the hilarity.  Also, I’m a sucker for ejaculate slash prostate humor.  No pun intended)

LipstickLibrarian on Final Sentences:

Then I ripped the warm, still-beating heart from its chest, feeling that deer’s sweet lifeblood pouring down my chin as I took a bite and thought: Doggone it, THIS is America.

(Fucking.  Brilliant.)

Curly Q Tips on Word Of The Day – Velleity, Fatuous:

I’ve been experiencing velleity sex all this time and never knew it! Servicey!

(I laughed.  Hard.)

Sarcastro on Couple Caught Fucking On Queen’s Lawn:

Oh, on May 16, some idiot in my Victorian era neighborhood is hosting a party for the 190th anniversary of Queen Vic’s birth. $40 a head. In light of the above story, would it be appropriate for me to masturbate through her mail slot?

(It would indeed.)

Senor Wences on Book Club Reminder:

Rather like this Samurai plan. Then we can pair “Disorderlies” with the original Proust.

(Kind of insidery, but hilarious to me.  Damn you if you won’t let me find this funny.)

Before I get to the prestigious Iron Lung award, I’d like to introduce something new, something I call the Mechanical Larynx award, to be awarded to the best, most witty use of video or photo in a comment post.  The very first Mechanical Larynx award goes to:

Senor Wences for the Electric Company “Lick-a-Lolly” video, posted on Movie Night At The Movies Reminder.  Fucking.  Genius.

And now, the moment you’ve all been passively ambivalent for.  This week’s Iron Lung goes to Rene Sance, for his very eloquent, almost pedantic post Word Of The Day – Velleity, Fatuous.  It was brilliant and infinitely entertaining, even with the large informational value.  That, and it seemed to be the only post not posted by Virus or myself, and wasn’t a reminder for a meetup or book club.  Well done.

Now pass the tabasco.