No Snow In New York

 

In New York, it did not snow at all.

It did not.

NYC schools?  Not closed.

Our roads not gone to pot.

Not at all as supposed:

a foot fall of snow, rend’ring all plans a no.

It’s not so.  In New York,

there’s no snow.  (Shrugs.)

Also no hue and cry

asking wherefores, and whys

that a blanket of white

settled in, overnight.

Tell your colleagues and beaus -

(Through a loudhailer.) “In New York, there’s no snow!

Don’t wear boots, don’t you salt

instead enjoy cold malt, and eat some ice cream.

What March snow?  ‘Tis a dream!

Your brain letting off steam.

In New York, there’s not one inch of snow.  No no no.

Take off your winter coat and go swim in a moat!

Go fish from a boat!  On lover, go dote!

And you won’t need a Snuggie -

’tis your eyes, they’re just buggy!”  (Put away loudhailer.  It all seems so silly.

Too much willy-nilly.)

That’s not snow.  Not at all.

No sir, snow did not fall

in New York.  No sirree -

that is not snow you see

at your feet, up to knees.

Formed as snowballs – miss, PLEASE!

‘Tis not snow.  No no no.

Not a snowball you’ll throw

at my face, in attempt to erase

any addled-brained notion

that this part of the nation

got some white, flaky precipitation!

(Irate.) No no no,

there’s no wonderful,

white,

appallingly light

snow that cometh from sky -

(Not irate.) Would you look at that!  Why

it appears, in New York,

it did snow.

And the winter winds blow

in New York.  One more foot.

And a day off to boot.

(Excitedly.) Yes yes yes!  With snow

New York has indeed

been blessed!

And so off I will go

to traipse through, and fall

and capture it all.

In New York, it did snow.  (Smile, then

puzzlement.) How the heck did you know?

 

- Aaron Altman