Wordsmoker Suggestion Box: What Inspirational Catchphrase Should Obama Utter Tonight?
Published: February 24, 2009
"Wait - did I write 'fear itself' or 'one big fucking monster'?"
When Franklin Delano Roosevelt first took the office of President in 1932, the country was just coming off the pool party that was Herbert Hoover’s presidency, during which the Great Depression took hold and popular resort areas known as Hoovervilles began springing up across the landscape.
It was in this context that FDR gave his famous inaugural speech: at a time when the hopes and dreams of so many Americans had come crashing down, leaving them penniless and scraping by in a meager existence, Frankie Deli (that’s what his closest friends called him) needed to give the ultimate pep talk. And it worked! His most famous soundbite came in the fifth sentence of the first para:
I am certain that my fellow Americans expect that on my induction into the Presidency I will address them with a candor and a decision which the present situation of our people impel. This is preeminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Nor need we shrink from honestly facing conditions in our country today. This great Nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. In every dark hour of our national life a leadership of frankness and vigor has met with that understanding and support of the people themselves which is essential to victory. I am convinced that you will again give that support to leadership in these critical days.
Trust us, the rest was garbage. Of course, we will be listening to President Obama’s speech with bated breath, awaiting his “nothing to fear but fear itself” moment. Obama speechwriter Jon Favreau, who totally wrote the screenplay for Swingers, will surely have some zingers up his Hillary-cutout-cop-a-feel sleeves. But what will it be?
Wordsmokers, here’s your chance to suggest A PIECE OF HISTORY. You can follow Dismal’s literary lead or just make shit up out of thin air! All entries will be emailed directly to the White House*, so get yours in before Obama’s address to Congress begins at 9pm EST. I’ll start:
- “This is a stimul-us, not a stimul-them. Amirite?”
- “Yes, future generations will bear the financial fallout of this bailout. Our children, and our children’s children. But look at it this way: China’s been using child labor for like centuries now!
- “Look, I’ve only been President for like two months, okay? Have you seen Michelle’s new hairdo?”
- “Hey, how about that Roland Burris, huh? What a dick!”
- “Ask not for a bank loan with no confirmed source of income and a ridiculously low starter rate that’ll balloon to an APR of 23.75% two years later: ask what you can do for a free toaster instead.”
- “George W. Bush, you fucked this country. Well, I’m here to say, I’m gonna UN-fuck you!”
- “Did someone just fart? I thought I heard a fart.”
- “Rick Santelli. Me. Pay-per-view cage match live from Wrigley Field. Who’s in?”
- “Would you rather comment on Gawker, or WRITE for Wordsmoker? It’s a metaphor, people!”
- “THAT’S the BAILOUT? LOOK at the SIZE of that thing!!!”
- “ZOMG WTF KTHXBAI!”
Now it’s your turn – leave your suggestions in the comments!
*As in the abandoned white colonial with the detached garage at the corner of Mulberry Street and 5th Place in Waukegan Falls, IA.
“I don’t care if you people learn this shit, I still get paid the same.”
“The American Dream is over – last one out on the way to riot…well, actually, it doesn’t really matter if you turn out the lights as the generators will only be able to power them for so long anyway though in truth the building will probably burn first.”
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”
Actually Aaron, only one speech will be able to turn the tide. And that is the speech delivered by this guy:
I don’t know from catchphrases (as we say here in NYC), but am thinking tonight’s drinking game would be a shot whenever Obama utters the words “investment” or “future” and a double shot if they’re combined in a sentence (‘…an investment in America’s future,’ for example). As I polished off the bottle of wine last night, I will not be able to participate/compete but will be glad to egg everyone else on.
(p.s. – good to see you here, Aaron, darlin’. <3)
“‘Cause we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl. Or boy.”
Wences: Are you me?
No we can’t.
I will be listening for the real message. It’s hidden. Every seventh word that doesn’t start with a vowel or an R. He’s gonna tell us when the mother ship will land. That or where Cuervo will be on sale next week.
@ Nina: I have admired that photo forever. Now it just scares me.
PK: I tried to make a Blingee & had to stop.
@ Nina: I understand. One just cannot. Not now.
I’m watching this on NBC, and while talking about how lawmakers pick their seats early so they are on the aisle to shake hands with the president.
Speaking of one guy, they said “If Obama gets any more popular, he’s going to pitch a tent…(awkward pause) out there.”
I had to share that because it made me giggle.
He’s upbeat. He’s a leader. He’s FDR.
OMG, he just said SURVIVAL.
Ha! Hagen, with you 100%.
The FDR Memorial down in D.C. is the one even the cab drivers don’t know how to find, yet it’s in the shadow of the Washington Monument. Dedicated under Clinton, it’s been quietly ignored by Americans ever since. (The quiet was quite loud during the last administration.)
I think about it a lot.
Wence, that makes me a little sad.
“Recovery, motherfuckers — do you speak it?”
A little harsh, but it’s all about the message.
Actually, I’d like to hear this:
“As part of our plan to learn and work with our friends in China, we are happy to announce our adoption of their corporate malfeasance policy. Bernie Madoff … come on down!”
$1 trillion spent. 57 police officers in Minneapolis kept their jobs. Oh, and we built a website. Thanks Congress!
Aw, the days of fancy drapes are over. That makes ME sad.
I like fancy drapes.
I go cry now.
Joe Lieberman looks like he’s had some work done on his jowls. They don’t appear to be snagging as much.
Add Glitter to Pictures
Monk, you should check out the FDR Memorial…it’s rather wonderful. Etched into the granite all over the place are quotations that woulda had you detained at the airport during the last administration. Very edifying to know leadership CAN lead.
Through these suck times, we just may get a fuckload of great legislation that will at least last us through our own lifetimes.
Which, okay, is merely another twenty or thirty years for most of us megafauna, but still.
Mister Happy Sunshine in the house!
WHY ARE WE SPENDING ALL THIS EXTRA MONEY AND WHERE IS IT COMING FROM NOW I’M REALLY STARTING TO FREAK OUT ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING WAY MORE THAN EVER BEFORE WE ARE TOTALLY GOING TO GO BROKE FOR REAL
IS: I was wondering about this monopoly money….
Apparently, we are a dum, dum, dum country.
Ice, shhhhhh, just…shhhhhhh. There, there.
Here:
I wish my grandparents and their cousins were alive and were sitting here with me. I learned so much from their stories of being teenagers in Oklahoma and Texas. They left their homes during the Dustbowl and came to California looking for jobs. It was all academic American History when I listened to them before. Fascinating stories.
I’d like to hear them talking amongst themselves, like I remember them, critiquing this speech and evaluating this world now. I would hope they saw not a single similarity and not one word would provoke a memory.
Did he say “root out?” I never want to hear that phrase again.
Why is Pelosi wearing some ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ Betazoid native costume?
“I did not have sex with that woman.
Nor did he.”
SW: GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
I thought that Katie Curic had become Speaker…
It’s “Commander” Pelosi
Small factoid from my small world: Meidicare and Medicaid pays for the glut of elder healthcare. Huge, huge, huge, amounts of that medical documentation is sent to India for production. So, calculator out, pencil out, figuring, your tax dollars are spent to create and maintain jobs in India that could be done here. I’ll bet I’m lowballing this but guessing it is probably 50K American jobs sent overseas, probably more. On your dime. Check your pay stub, see how much you contribute.
Do you think it saves 1 cent in Medicare/Medicaid costs? No. Healthcare costs are not reduced by a single cent, so far, because of it. The profit is sucked up by private corporations and individuals who reap the profits. Not investors. Not publicly traded companies. Not a part of my 401K.
I need to drink. More.
And when Pelosi gives a speech, I just dare you to count how many times she says “The American People.”
Not sure why, but I loathe this woman.
Jindal is a dookie-head.
Ha ha, they only put Jindahl on because Slumdog won!
@Nina: Apparently, he also sounds like Kenneth the page from 30 Rock. (Jindal is only 37 ?)
The poor man needs an upper lip transplant.