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I Thought We Were Getting Rid Of The Penny?

By Aaron Altman
Published: February 12, 2009

Those little copper discs masquerading as American currency – and the reason 99-cent menus exist at all – will continue to jangle around in your pockets and make your hands smell funny for a few years more. That’s because the U.S. mint has issued four new pennies in observance of Abraham Lincoln’s 200th birthday.

The penny isn’t dead. Long live the penny.

Of course, given the state of the economy, it makes perfect sense to let the one-cent coin stick around: to paraphrase the old adage, every one counts! And now, Congress gives us 78,900,000,000,000 more reasons to keep the change, wheeee let’s break our piggy banks to help pay for what New York senator Chuck Schumer schmuckily calls the “porky” stimulus! At least we don’t have to keep looking at the same old patinated (patinized? Whatever – ed.) penny from 1971 anymore:

The first of four new pennies chronicling Abraham Lincoln’s rise from a small Kentucky cabin will be put into circulation Thursday to honor the 16th president’s 200th birthday.

The coin’s front, or obverse, is unchanged, with a likeness of the President.

But the reverse of the coin released Thursday depicts a log cabin, representing the one-room house where Lincoln was born near Hodgenville, Ky.

Good news for numismatics and Lincoln-o-philes, no doubt! But how soon until we hear of people scrounging through those “Give-A-Penny-Take-A-Penny” trays at 7-11 counters everywhere, “looking for the one where Abe’s sittin’ on that log, yo? That’s like a collector’s item or somethin’!” Answer: not soon enough. Heaven knows I still need Alaska and Hawaii for my state quarters collection.

Oh – did I just write that aloud?

(Four New Pennies Chronicle Lincoln’s Rise From Log Cabin – AP via USA Today)

VirusWithShoes posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 12:44 pm.
I like spending pennies.

And horses.
Senor Wences posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 12:51 pm.
I like the one where’s he’s taking a break from the croquet match by kicking it on a log and masturbating to pornography. I also like the one that shows the Capitol dome after the flying saucers zapped it. I’m not as fond of the one where he’s doing his infamous “pansy” impression (just not that funny, Abe), and don’t understand the one that just shows some shit clown’s poverty shack, unless maybe that’s where he caged up his crazy wife after she ate those dudes?
Meg posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 12:52 pm.
If the penny ever dies, I’ll have no chance of finding any luck on the street.
Aaron Altman posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 12:53 pm.
Senor: you must’ve gotten the advance media kit from the U.S. mint that had those limited edition pennies. Which we must now steal from you.

Virus: one of those things is just like the other.
BringmemyTofu posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 12:53 pm.
Pennies AND your thoughts. It is my lucky day, Aaron.
BC posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 12:54 pm.
Not ambitious enough, IMHO. But I’m biased, since the Treasury Department passed on the proposal I submitted with 144,000 reverse designs — one for each frame of John Ford’s Young Mr. Lincoln.
VirusWithShoes posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 12:57 pm.
In future years we can look forward to a selection of “micro-credits” being issued with an image of Dick Cheney sitting – visibly erect and grinning – amidst a mind-fuckingly large pile of malnourished kitten corpses.
BringmemyTofu posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 12:58 pm.
VWS: You’ve had that dream too?
BC posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 1:02 pm.
@VirusWithShoes: Sorry, but that reads like sheer fantasy; the kittens wouldn’t still have their heads.
Vaquero posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 1:05 pm.
Dude, that’s not why your hands smell funny.
Aaron Altman posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 1:08 pm.
Virus: did you just write “Dick Cheney” and “visibly erect” in the same comment? Must… cleanse… mind TOO LATE.

Tofu: I won big at a nickel slot machine once. But I digress.

Meg: I guess I’m glad I picked up that penny this morning because here you are, commenting.

BC: they wouldn’t go for my designs either, in which Lincoln wears nothing but his top hat. Darn.
souplines posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 1:09 pm.
Can I throw my two cents in?
Aaron Altman posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 1:11 pm.
Vaq: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.

Soup: No no, we require three coins in a fountain.
gecko posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 1:12 pm.
But there’s no little guy to find on the back of these ones! That makes me sad.

And when pennies disappear, what will the uncreative kids in kindergarten bring 100 of to celebrate the 100th day of school? Or polish using lemon juice, Coca-cola, or vinegar?
BC posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 1:19 pm.
@gecko: There’s a little guy hiding on the back of the penny? Must be a dirty copper!
Aaron Altman posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 1:21 pm.
Gecko: there’s always Penny Marshall.

TEACHER:
Well, Billy, who did you bring to show-and-tell today?

BILLY:
She’s a world-famous director, writer, producer and actress.
Ladies and gentlemen, Penny Marshall.

TEACHER:
You fucking showoff.
Mount_Prion posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 1:37 pm.
At least they’re still good for throwing at moving traffic.
SisterMaryMartha2.0 posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 1:42 pm.
SisterMaryMartha2.0 posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 1:43 pm.

posting for the third time.
SisterMaryMartha2.0 posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 2:28 pm.
I am so mad. I had the best image comment ever.
I give up today.
The Doctor posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 3:35 pm.
I totally have an Alaska quarter in my pocket RIGHT NOW. Call me.
Aaron Altman posted the following on February 12, 2009 at 6:06 pm.
Doc: I thought you’d be happier to see me.