Kittens Run Riot, Kill 12
Published: December 06, 2008
Kittens are feeling left out with news that failed and bitter old man John McCain has decided to push forward legislation relating to the amount that felines can hold in their personal bank accounts.
“Fluffbucket”, spokeskitten for the Pro Cat Investment Board (PCIB), told our reporter that the doddering old senator from Arizona that he could “Go fuck himself and the dog he rode in on”, after yesterday’s riots in Central Florida which resulted in 12 fatalities and yet another attempt by government to crack down on the funding sources of “Al-Kitteda”.
“This old prick is so in the pockets of Big-Dog that anything he says on this subject has to be met with a hiss, maybe pee in his stinky old-man slippers when he’s not looking, that kind of thing. We’ve got nothing to do with Al-Kitteda, no matter what Drudge says. Until he backs down, there will be no more playing with balls of wool” said Fluffbucket at a packed and surprisingly fishy press conference this morning.
A dog was unavailable to comment.
Considering this is the latest kitten attack after what was deemed a “period of sane discussion” from that cakebrain Bush, I see no other way out than to start giving the kittens what they want. The last thing I want is a kitten firing at me from close distance, even though I’ve started wearing fake whiskers so I can move amongst then almost unnoticed.
The kitpocalypse that David Icke mentioned in his latest book seems to be coming about. And aren’t the lizard people a bit too quiet on this subject? Or is it just me, because I’m warm-blooded?
You’re a fucking idiot, Virus. Icke has recently gone on record that the tuna industry is behind the latest spate of attacks. Why don’t you fucking read about the kitten attacks before you leave a comment. Prick!
Fuck off the lot of you.
You people need to man the fuck up.
You’ve still not replied to my marriage proposal. No bread for you.
This is far too insidery
@Binky: Already? That’s great! It shows the “insidery” code is working flawlessly.
More like VirusWithSnooze! Am I right?
…..Ladies?
Binky is a girl?!!
I saw Virus With Shoes canoodling with a woman who was not his wife on the way back from my pedicure at Bloomies, which was just before I saw Anderson Cooper picking up a young Peruvian dolphin trainer at my gym.
Appletinis, anyone?
Fluffbucket posed with a cardboard cut out of Morris, pretending to grope his testicles while doing Jaeger shots.
Whatever the fuck it is you people do down here.
I like how the comments start over. With tomorrow/today.
I’ve got to zip over to my Hamptons place to supervise the grand piano delivery. I hope this great site manages to keep that Helman stalker away until then.
Toodles!
My ass! Everyone, look at it.
Oh, sorry Supergoddess, I shall defer to your tits. I don’t want to steal your titty-fire.
Can we get Pareene in here to shit on some puppies or Obama or something?
Helman stole my bong.
(complain) (complain) (comment about how dumb everyone is) (something sexist)
You’re all executed! You’re all not funny, and I have nothing better to do today.
@SenoritaNina:
I am not at all surprised to hear that about Helman. Her kleptomania is probably the result of looking like Jabba the Hut!
Meh. This blog has humped the shark.
Are we on Scottish time, or should I rest for a while?
@Eric: This blog seems to have originated in an alternate universe – like Bizarro Superman.
@AD: She broke a chair, terrorized the cats and spilled bourbon all over too.
This font is small – I thought we were all pretty old necessitating a larger font.
One more thing: Who’s your favorite 80’s teen movie key grip? Please do not answer with words. Only youtube links are acceptable.
@Rosa: Ted McGinley’s here?
@Eric:
You got off easy; I had Helman over for my killer appletinis once, and that bladder control thing happened. 500$ dry cleaning bill AND I had to replace the sofa as the lamb leather was actually corroded by Helman’s “accident”.
Man, I liked this place so much better when it first started.
I wish Balk would get a job.
I wish Balk would get a job.
YOU GUYS, LOOK AT MY TITS!111111111
I’m drunk and lonely! Anyone around?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcHNZVrxEts
@ SG: Hez?
So, like, is this comments section the place where we post YouTube clips of things that amuse us?
AD: I did not want to mention the pee stains but there you are…
I have seen the future and the future has tits.
I’m so tired – it’s Scotch time.
SenoritaNina:
Would you believe I found that Helman, in a puddle of her own piddle, in my grand piano? That woman is stalking me!